Lilith & The Shadow
Well isn’t this an interesting time. Globally, politically, and also personally, things are in upheaval, transition, and change.
For a while now, I’ve been musing on the concept of the shadow and a very unique astrological point called the Black Moon Lilith, and somehow these concepts feel aligned to chat about now, in the midst of dark fears and awakening hopes, and when integration is needed more than ever. Consider this a mini-class, or mini-lecture, and take what serves but leave the rest.
The Lilith point within an astrological chart is actually nothing tangible, no asteroid or planet lives there, no mass or source of light, but it is instead an orbital location. The moon’s orbit is an elliptical as it travels around the Earth, thus along that elliptical there is a point where the moon is closest to the Earth and another where it is at its farthest point from the Earth. That farthest point is what now has the moniker of Lilith.
As explored in my previous post on the Sun & Moon archetypal energies, we can for the sake of this conversation simplify the Moon’s archetypal energy to that of the unconscious. When we take the orbital dance of the moon into consideration though, we now see that we are dealing less with a binary between the conscious and unconscious, but a spectrum. There are times when we have a better view of the unconscious, when we are at the very least aware of its presence, and times when the darkness of our unconscious feels far more unnamable and inaccessible, to the point that we might not even be aware of its presence.
This furthest, darkest, hardest to reach place within ourselves is represented by this point. One could call this the shadow from Jungian thought, which is a concept we will explore more in just a moment. But to begin, I want to highlight that It is very telling that within our society this point now holds the name Lilith and is often associated with that mythic story line. In another culture, we may have placed a different fearful being to hold that archetypal energy, but within western civilization it is colloquially seen as an untamed feminine energy that holds that place of unconscious fear.
On “Lilith”
This energy is much older and deeper and weirder than the more modern take of her being the first wife of Adam in the Judeo-Christian story.
In the Akkadian language, lili and līlītu mean spirits, and could refer to both male and female demons or wind spirits, though possibly also owls or night birds, which were known to ferry souls to the afterlife. There were a number of different types of such demons within the various Mesopotamian cultures within astrology and western archetypes originated, each bringing various types of calamities at night, be it sickness, madness, or death.
And that makes sense. What do you do when you wake up with night terrors or sweats, or are awakened by unexpected sexual arousal, or have fearful & spiraling late night thoughts, or worse, discover a loved one or child did not survive the night? You curse the lili or lilitu, that unknown and fearful something, that something that goes bump in the night and can strike anyone without warning.
One belief is that these night demons from Mesopotamian cultural spread through the adjacent and subsequent Semitic cultures as well, including early Judaism, where they got the newer name of liliths, often depicted as female demons that steal babies and men’s virility in the night. It wasn’t until the middle ages that the Lilith story we are more familiar with was most likely created, by a man of course. And then an English theosophist and astrologer made some wild claims that there was a second partially invisible moon, to which he gave the name Black Moon Lilith as the antithesis to our much more visible and bright Moon. when such a moon did not seem to exist, that name instead got applied to the elliptical point we are exploring now, and here we are.
But ultimately this point, where our unknowing meets our unconscious, is where all our cultural demons lie, be they monsters, vampires, werewolves, dragons, succubuses, sirens, devils, ghosts and the like. Or also wild animals, the snake, the owl, the ferocious lion, or raging bull, as uncontrolled nature can easily be as fearful and even more real than our concocted monsters.
Many of our western cultural myths are thus also made up of monster slayers, those that conquer and defeat these beings, again very telling. but there is another way, one of befriending the demons that lie within. Thus this point also holds the version of ourselves who could be in relationship with the unknown and still survive: the witch or wizard, sorceress or sorcerer, the indigenous wild woman or shaman, the mystic or divine oracle, and the rogues and pirates and harlots and ne'er do wells and dragon tamers all alike.
So let’s liberate the Lilith archetype from solely being a feminine energy or an angered or vengeful ex-wife. This point is in all of us, and represents a shared human fear of the unknown, our own primal instincts, and what it would mean to be conscious and in relationship to this part of our existence.
On “The Shadow”
Within Jungian thought, the shadow is the various parts of us that the conscious ego can not accept. If my conscious and crafted persona says that I am a “good” person, then all the “bad” things that are inevitably still within me must be actively rejected. A pious person cannot sin. A talented person cannot struggle. A successful person can not fail. A beautiful person cannot be ugly.
But these are all false dichotomies, as you may have already realized. And it is not as simple or banal as one needs the dark to see the light, or one needs the bad to appreciate the good. That too puts these on a binary spectrum, this versus that, which is still a false premise. Because they are, believe it or not, one and the same. I am both the dragon and the dragon tamer, the devil and the witch who summons him, the sinner and the saint who blesses them while they sin. We are all things my friends, let’s stop pretending we don’t hold multitudes.
It’s why the goal of shadow work isn’t about clearing or healing anything in my understanding, it’s all simply about seeing. I cannot kill my inner demons, or banish them, as new ones will simply arise, but what I can do is witness them, know them by name, and then make choices with that knowledge. Seeing the shadow, clearly and without judgement, is the work.
And many fear that to dive into the darker depth of their own selves will result in a loss of the more consciously chosen self, but believe me when I say that your conscious self becomes much more aligned and much more powerful when we are aware of all the parts of ourselves, the darkest bits included.
There’s a semi-related psychological model called the Johari Window I keep thinking about as well in relation to the shadow. Within this models, there are four quadrants of the self, like four panes of a window:
Arena - What we know about ourselves and what others know about us
The Facade - What we know about ourselves but what others don’t know about us
The Blind Spot - What we don’t know about ourselves but what others know about us
The Unknown - what We don’t know about ourselves and what others don’t know about us
The goal of working with this model is to expand the Arena, revealing our true selves more to others in our lives to reduce The Facade, and to ever so slowly shrink the Blind Spot and Unknown quadrants as we more deeply know ourselves.
Consider what you might put in each quadrant, what adjectives you’d like to exist in each part, and which fearful or less desirable adjectives are waiting for you to embrace. Where would you place the word Kind? Smart? Calm? Helpful? proud? tense? Shy? wise? loving? Play with more words and see where they fall.
But bear with me as I spoil the end for you: no matter how far you push the window frames, we will forever be revealing new layers of unknown selves, vast shadow realities, until we eventually admit that we are the whole window. Yes I hold the capacity for kindness and warmth and beauty, and I also simultaneously hold the capacity to be unkind and cold and ugly. We are all things.
The shadow is me and I am she, and it is this awareness that offers the ultimate freedom and power of active choice. Who am I to be today? Let me not be a person living out of fear and reactivity to my own nature, but one who can see all the painful and wonderful possibilities at once and step forward into my future consciously and intentionally.
So far we’ve been exploring the shadow from an individual lens, but what is needed now more than ever is for the collective to awaken to its shadow as well. My questions to fellow Americans specifically: are we explorers or colonizers? Are we saviors or genociders? Are we a great nation or a failed state? Which of those made you feel uncomfortable and why?
And let’s not overlook that whomever we consider to be the cultural “other” is often used collectively by the dominant group to hold the unconscious for us all. The immigrant, the indigenous, and the minority racial group, the liberal or redneck, the rich or poor, the disabled or disenfranchised, the queer or radical or politically misaligned individuals take the brunt of our collective societal fears, sometimes indirectly and sometimes very painfully and violently directly.
Once we can begin to realize that overpowering or eliminating the other will not actually heal or mend anything, it will only continue the cycle of a new other, a new scapegoat, a new fascist ideology of purity that will never be realized because you are them and they are you and anything that denies that fact is doomed to fail.
Each of our own paths of growth add up to a collective and cultural growth trajectory which can only be beneficial. Embrace your shadowy demons, so we all can do the same.
Putting it all together
Now back to astrology. The beauty of the Lilith point within your chart is that it gives you a place to start this shadow exploration from. Which of the twelve archetypes hold the most fear for you? Who are you scared to become?
When pulling your chart using most any online website, you may just have to specifically select for it to include the Lilith mean point. The combination of house and sign that your Lilith resides in is useful information for this work, but just to simplify things here’s the signs and what I’d term as the deepest fear of these archetypes. Find yours and explore what comes up for you when you consider it. And when you’re done with that, start with the rest and sit with what those archetypes bring up for you as well. there’s shadows to uncover all the way down.
Aries
deepest desire: to be
deepest fear: I don't deserve to be here, OR I don't matter
related fears: being an individual or unique, following one’s natural instincts, doing physical activities, having too much freedom, winning or succeeding, being disliked for it
taurus
deepest desire: to have
deepest fear: I don't deserve to have, or My needs don't matter
related fears: having preferences & needs, being lazy or relaxed or seen as such, lack of safety and/or finances, owning nice things, doing work one enjoys
gemini
deepest desire: to think
deepest fear: I don't deserve to have thoughts, or My thoughts don't matter
related fears: being seen as stupid or unintelligent, having opinions and insights that aren't acknowledged, having "bad" thoughts that contradict others, having unique interests & hobbies
Cancer
deepest desire: to feel
deepest fear: I don't deserve to have feelings, or My feelings don't matter
related fears: being too much or emotional, sensing the energy or vibes of things, needing comfort and emotional safety, needing to ask for one's feelings or intuitive sensing to be acknowledged
leo
deepest desire: to will
deepest fear: I don't deserve to create, or My influence on the world doesn't matter
related fears: being seen as a creator or leader, making their work or contributions visible, making things deemed silly or unneeded, needing praise & encouragement, not having their work supported by others
virgo
deepest desire: to analyze
deepest fear: I don't deserve to be relied on, or My way of ordering the world doesn't matter
related fears: having very specific ways of seeing and doing things, messing up or failing others, being a nuisance or unhelpful, having insights and processes that are ignored by others
libra
deepest desire: to balance
deepest fear: I don't deserve others, or My care and giving to others doesn't matter
related fears: needing others, being rejected or ignored, giving and not having it acknowledged or reciprocated, being too thoughtful or not enough, revolving their lives around the wrong people
scorpio
deepest desire: to desire
deepest fear: I don't deserve to have big desires, or My desires don't matter
related fears: having powerful & overwhelming desires (physical or emotional), being a sexual being, wanting things strongly, owning their own power to manifest, being a magnetic person
Sagittarius
deepest desire: to see
deepest fear: I don't deserve to have unique experiences, or My insights and explorations don't matter
related fears: being the intellectual authority & expert on something, having interests in very niche things, using learning & exploring to guide others, giving bad information, being denied learning experiences
capricorn
deepest desire: to (be of) use
deepest fear: I don't deserve authority, or My accomplishments don't matter
related fears: being the authority figure or role model, accomplishments that aren't celebrated or seen, having power in situations, doing things that will garner respect or praise from others, being an "upstanding" individual, to have things that were hard to acquire
aquarius
deepest desire: to know
deepest fear: I don't deserve knowledge or wisdom, or My new visions and paradigms don't matter
related fears: having unique or new views that others cant handle, being the weird or contradictory one, having hope for the future, "connecting the dots" or "seeing the big picture", being rejected or "burned at the stake" for suggesting new things
Pisces
deepest desire: to believe
deepest fear: I don't deserve spiritual experiences, or My spirituality doesn't matter
related fears: being a spiritual being, having or desiring mystical experiences, others mocking or rejecting spiritual practices, intuitive insights and other ways of knowing, interest in religions or mystical traditions, being seen as weak or fake for one's beliefs
My own Lilith sits within the Leo myth, and it’s no wonder that many of the fears I’ve had to embrace and process these past couple years are my comfort with being visible, the sharing of my work, and worry around how it will be received. But equally as fearful is the powerful person I have the potential to be if I fully embrace how creative and authentically grounded in my own self I can be. Which is often the case, that we fear the unknown, but also the version of us that is comfortable within that energy and can express it under the light of day.
As the poem by Marianne Williamson opens:
Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.
Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.
It is our light, not our darkness
That most frightens us.
What if you were powerful, in partnership with your whole self, and able to act from that place of full self realization on a regular basis? What would change in your current life? Who is the Dark Moon Lilith point inviting you to become now that you are awakening to the fullness of your being?
Wishing you the full spectrum of your lived experience, and that your demons may serve you with as much love as they have always desired to.
—
And here’s a bit of Lilith point energy encapsulated in a playlist :) Listen on spotify or youtube!
With love & darkness,
l.
