Life as Pilgrimage
On my second full day in London I had a morning of internal spiraling.
What am I doing here? Why am I here without a plan or goal of any sort? Am I crazy?
And on some level those spiraling thoughts were justified, at least from a human perspective. I had spent months “knowing” that I was meant to spend time in the UK, and I did have some intentions for the little more than a month I’d be spending there. I intended to take some classes here and there, meet up with some sweet people, see a few new places and get a sense of locations I might enjoy, reconnect with my own British ancestry, and spend time with spirit.
But my well taught and internalized American capitalist and rationalist was feeling rather bamboozled once I landed in the UK. For you see, under a capitalist and colonial mentality all effort must be directed to securing profit, or at the very least financial security and the ability to consume, and we tend to under appreciate how much this affects us even when we are in non-work spaces.
A vacation is seen as a reward for hard work, or so you can better put up with work on your return. A book is read to better you as a worker or creator or domestic manager. A class is taken to put on a resume. An experience is justified if it can be capitalized on in some form or fashion. “What is the rate of investment (roi) on my lived experience?” is a legitimate question many spend their whole lives asking themselves.
And this line of thinking is as ripe within the world of spiritual “business” as anywhere else, though maybe that is a bigger rant for another day. But one doesn’t have to look far to find spiritual trainings that are simply pyramid schemes, wisdom traditions being used as social media advertising and promotional sound bites, or promises of success and fulfillment sold to the ones who can afford an overpriced spiritual reading or clearing or retreat, and not to anyone else.
Maybe one day I’ll have the strength to flip those sorts of tables in our modern day woo-woo temples, but for now let me just say that living by spirit will by nature require you to become an anti-capitalist, because living by spirit means acknowledging that profit and consumption are not the point of living.
Suffice it to say though that my choice to spend time in the English countryside without much of a plan or ROI in place was a bit jarring to the little capitalist within which I am slowly trying to starve. What do you mean we’re just going to see where things go? What do you mean that this time of traveling is to be spirit led? How irresponsible and silly and stupid, they said.
So my irresponsible and silly and stupid self got dressed and had herself a walk in the early spring sun and decided that even if she didn’t know why or for what reason she was here, she was still going to have the experiences spirit was asking her to have. And thus began my roughly five weeks of spiritual wandering in the UK.
And so I spent time in London & Bath & Glastonbury & Brighton & Chelmsford & Stamford & Cambridge & Billericay & Birmingham & Penzance & Bournemouth & Stansted. I did take classes and met up with lovely people and went to see sights and sat within rented rooms and did some things I planned to do and others I didn’t.
And now this is where I might be tempted to summarize my travels with a nice bow and say “so here is what I gained and learned” and thus again express to you the ROI of my experiences, but I’m not letting us all off the hook that easily. Because here’s the thing, this wasn’t a trip, or an experience, or a learning opportunity; this time has simply been me living my life, quite imperfectly might I add, as someone not bound for any known destination, either literally or figuratively.
This way of living doesn’t require you to travel to another country or max out your credit cards (lol), nor does it expressly require a spiritual outlook, although that helps. But what it does require is a level of comfort with the uncomfortable truth that we are all bound for unknown destinations, and all we can truly ensure is our own simple enjoyment or awareness within the present moment.
We are all wanders, and no matter how much we may try to fix our paths and futures in place, we are only living our lives in this singular moment without any guarantee of a destination ahead.
Yet still, my wandering felt a bit haphazard at times, which didn’t dissuade the internal dialogue of how irresponsible and silly and stupid I was being. But now looking back, I see that I wasn’t on a hapless or ill-planned journey. Rather my constellations of seemingly separate experiences were a path of pilgrimage I had no idea I was on, and have been on for some time it seems.
A pilgrimage is defined as a journey made to a sacred or holy site, with the goal of either personal transformation or spiritual devotion. Oftentimes pilgrimages have a very distinct and clear destination and are considered quite separate from everyday life. I leave home, I go visit this temple-relic-holy place, I do this ritual, and then I return.
And there is deep benefit within these types of pilgrimages, when we have a sacred or personal goal in mind and set out on the journey to accomplish it. Many find deep spiritual fulfillment walking the Camino de Santiago, or visiting Mecca or the Vatican or the Pyramids or Mount Shasta, or seeing a holy guru or master or saint’s site, or meditating in an ashram or receiving spiritual training in a far off location. If you feel called to go and have a singular spiritual experience or act of devotion, go do it and see what may blossom out of that specific journey.
Yet my understanding of pilgrimage is changing as my understanding of what the sacred is and what spiritual transformation can actually look like.
What happens when all of life becomes sacred?
Yes, sacred sites are powerful places, often due to the collective energy and beliefs placed there by humans over many many years. On this trip of mine, I feel blessed to have seen Stonehenge again, the Glastonbury Tor, and various sacred wells and trees and crumbling ruins.
And long departed holy saints and gurus are considered as such for real reasons, their wisdom seen as a well we can drink from and thus become a little more sacred ourselves. I also found some spiritual icons along my path, like Leonora Carrington, Pamela Coleman Smith, Geraldine Cummins, Alan Watts & of course David Lynch, whom I plan to continue learning from in my own ways.
Yet some of my most profound and spiritual experiences were tucked away from any historical markers, when I just felt called to go see what was in the grove of trees or how the sky must look with the sun setting in this place. And that’s not to mention the sacredness of other regular old human beings, as sometimes the most sacred of experiences is laughing with another, seeing their light, and being honored by their living presence.
Not all saints are yet dead, and not all holy places are yet on maps.
And what happens when all of life is an act of spiritual devotion?
Yes, at times we might be called, by spirit or our own inner selves, I don’t really care which, to put action to our love and personal growth through a specific act. To go to that grave and bring flowers, to go to that holy place and leave a prayer or coin or memento, to go commune with a specific deity or energy or space for the express purpose of walking away spiritually or personally fulfilled in some way. I too took offerings to people and places, and made a few stops along my wanderings for some unrealized desire that a transformation may take place.
Yet I keep coming back to the thought that this is not a singular trip or journey or holiday, this is my life. So too this desire for spiritual growth and personal transformation is not something I can any longer believe is accomplished due to singular events. Can experiences and classes and trips be spiritually or personally impactful? Of course. But if my whole life is one long dance with spirit, one never ending “way of being” that has no set goal or end game, then I am forever pilgrimaging, a spiritual wanderer through and through.
Which then leads to the next wild conclusion that perhaps we are all on pilgrimages already.
You already have sacred sites you visit regularly, already are around spiritual beings you are learning from, already journeying to find your own personal or spiritual fulfillment. The question is, do you have the eyes to see the sacred sites around you and ears to hear the personal and spiritual wisdom coming to you from those spaces & experiences?
Can we witness our meeting friends at the coffee shop as an exchange of wise or healing energies between powerful beings?
Can we see that tending to our plants and pets and homes is a means of earth honoring and devotion?
Can we recognize that fixing dinner for our loved ones or even just ourselves is us bringing nourishing offerings to the divine?
Can we honor the unfolding of our own precious lives in this present moment, holy and mundane?
This realization too, that we are already on our own holy pilgrimages, also begs the question about what deities or energies are you serving at the moment, and are there others you’d rather follow. Do you enjoy where you are living or how you are living? Are there energies and wisdom still there to discover, or is it time to pilgrimage to somewhere else?
As we begin to make our lived experiences more holy, more sacred, and as we become more present within them, the less things like accomplishments and consumption and the ROI of it all matters. Only the present moment and the next step along our winding and never-ending unfoldment is all that needs concern us most of the time.
And so here I am, now on the next leg of my spiraling journey called life, which has lovingly placed me in Slovenia once again, ready to serve the energies that have called me forward like a good pilgrim would.
Beautifully though there is no end goal to this time or even this life, no accomplishment or mark of fulfilment I must be seeking. Simply walking the path, one day at a time, is all that is asked.
Wishing you well on your own pilgrimage my friend, may the road be ever winding and ever enlightening.
xxx,
l.
